Revelations

This is not a poem…

Let me tell you right now, this whole blogging thing is HARD! First of all, I had no experience in how to work a website so I’m learning as I go. I’ll say that I think I’ve done pretty good for only 8 months by myself (Idk, you tell me lol). Secondly, having the courage to post my words for only God knows who to see, is gut wrenching. The more I post, the more uncomfortable I feel, but a good man recently said to me “you were brave enough to start it, you can’t lose courage now.” And he’s right. Even though I’ve always managed to push through, I’ve always been fearful deep down. I’ve always had a hiding place.
My safe places, the gym being one of them, is the only time my mind is completely clear and free of worry and anxiety. The time where I really feel like I can hear God (maybe that’s why I prefer working out by myself). It’s when my vision becomes clear. My creativity comes when I let go of what I try to force and control and let God lead me. It works every time. God has really done that for me and I’m so grateful. I’ve become calmer, with a heart of fighter. I’ve become more patient, with a semi- sound mind. Now I know that whatever happens in my life, even if it brings sadness will all come to pass. I will come out stronger than ever. Mind you, I literally wrote all this riding on an elliptical and for the whole hour I was on it, I was in another world.
My second safe place, the shower. I don’t know why, but being clean gives me a sense of renewal. It’s like a fresh start. It’s rejuvenating. I remember there was a time earlier last year, I stayed in my shower and cried. I look back on that day and am so thankful for those tears. They were the fuel I needed. That hurt is the reason I’m here, still posting blogs and going for what ever comes to my mind.
My third safe place is my room. Late at night when I can’t sleep, is when I write the best. Whether it’s a poem or just whatever is on my mind. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “I write better than I speak, my words don’t judge me”. When I lay in my bed in the dark, the words fill my head and I have to let it out. Usually I’ll write in my phone (I cant write on paper in the dark and I’m not turning the lights on because I cant afford to lose my mojo lol)
All this to say, 2016 taught me alot about having faith. I finally learned how to let go of whatever hinders, hurts, or just doesn’t work and trust that God will come through. Now that I have a better understanding of my Lord and savior, I welcome 2017 with open arms.

So here it is! Cheers to a year of being even more uncomfortable and scared as s*** but doing it anyway.
I pray that God guides and leads us all!
Happy New Year!

**Wherever you go, take God with you**

-Natalia ❤️

7 Comments

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