You Can’t Save Me

Oh times where I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror because I hated what I saw. I thought I was fat and I didn’t think I was pretty. I didn’t feel confident in myself. I idolized that girl with the slim waist and fat butt. The girl that didn’t need makeup because her skin was flawless; you know the ones that boys drool over. I looked for her to save me. I thought if I got thin like her, then I’d be happy. Well, I got thinner than her and I still wasn’t satisfied. I thought if I found ways to get clear skin like her, then I’d be happy. I mastered the art of makeup to cover my flaws, but I still wasn’t satisfied. Then I surpassed her, I needed more.
That’s when I found him. I thought if I got the attention of men, then I’d be happy. I thought if I was nice and gave my heart in its pure honest form, then I’d live happily ever after with my Prince Charming. I thought he could save me, I thought I’d finally be happy; but he took pieces of me, left me confused, and crying myself to sleep every night. Then, I surpassed him. There was nothing else he could offer me.
I finally realized that
I’ve been running. Running to people of this world with their own demons to save me from the demons of my own. I was running from myself. On the outside I looked like a champion, but deep down I was broken, I was weak in all forms; just a scared little girl drowning in the ways of this world. I had nowhere and no one to turn to. Yea, I had friends but what was happening inside me was beyond their control. I needed more. The hunger within me grew stronger.
That’s when God found me. I was in the shower, so distraught. I can’t remember the last time I cried like that, but it was the best cry of my life. All the while I was looking for that pretty girl I idolized to teach me how to be beautiful, I was looking for that man to heal me from this emotional torture from deep within to tell me who I should be. Meanwhile, I was neglecting the One who has the power to do it all. I fell to my knees that day. He touched my heart while I was in that shower. I’ve been walking with Him ever since. I can’t forget the day he spoke to me. Although everyday is a working progress, it feels good to finally be free. There USED to be a time where I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror because I hated what I saw. NOW, I just can’t get enough of me. The King saved me.

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